Hi, Casey, here with another edition of how I edit, where I talk through the revising process to give you some insight into how copywriters try and make a piece of copy better. Today I have a blog about residential mold testing in a beat mint turned in by a different copywriter.
I'm going to be focusing on trying to make an introduction more interesting. The introduction presented here. Well, first off. She never used the word intro. Okay. That's very basic. We should all know that the first paragraph is the introduction. We don't need to call it out with a word. And they have put in quotation marks, which I'm not quite sure.
Why they did that. I suspect there might be some copying and pasting going on, which is not okay.
Let's just say though, it wasn't copy and pasted or, or anything that this is the actual introduction. To finding mold as a fungus.
That's not really. Where we want to start. We don't want to define mold. If someone is here reading about mold and testing, they probably already have an idea of what mold is and potentially how it gets into places. We don't want to insult our reader's intelligence.
At this point, most people know that mold growth can cause health problems. So we don't really want to start with this paragraph either. We need something. That is going to be impactful yet. Interesting. Hooks our reader to keep reading. Into the next paragraph. As I was reading this particular blog.
As I go down. I came across. This paragraph. Mold is silent and sneaky, growing and spreading under your floors in your basement and behind walls. I really liked this silent in sneaky, growing and spreading under your floors. It gives you this visual of something insidious. That has taken over your home.
It reflects kind of what mold is, which is something you don't want in your property. Something that can cause damage yet. It's phrased in such an interesting way. That I really liked it. Then the second sentence is knowing the signs in environments that Harbor mold growth is important. That is a true statement. That's a great transition into what this blog is going to be about.
Especially since we're talking about residential mold testing. Again, here continues with when determining whether or not you need to have your home tested for mold. This actually would be a good introduction to this article. You have this. Impactful. Very first sentence that. Kind of gives you a visual and then the very next sentence transitions.
And begins to give the reader a sense of what this is going to be about. I like that it is short and simple. Most people like short and simple nowadays. So to me, this actually. Is a good introduction for this whole article. I'm going to cut and paste this and put it back at the intro.