Mothers of Misfits00:01

Welcome to the Mothers of Misfits podcast. Join me for conversations about how to advocate for our kids in a one size fits all world. Be sure to subscribe, so you never miss an episode!

Emily Melious00:17

Hey, everyone! Welcome back to another fabulous episode of the Mothers of Misfits podcast. Glad assignment is our guest today. And I knew we were going to be quick friends because in her background, she has a saying on her wall that says every child is an artist. So, this is going to be a great conversation.

Cause I think we are all on the same page in terms of how wonderfully uniquely, capable, and talented our kiddos are in their very own misfit way. So let me tell you a little bit more about Gladys. She is a life coach for moms who are trying to balance their work and family life. Hello, all of us, right.

She's also a life enthusiast who lived in five different countries, mastered two languages. It took becoming a fabulous mama for her to tap into some big, super powers within herself. Can't wait to learn more. And I love this. You described yourself as a former quiet introvert, but today you are very passionate about helping women live big, beautiful and shooting for the stars kinds of lives.

I love it. Glad it thanks for coming on.

Gladys Simen01:27

What an introduction you would sing all those things. I'm like, man, I want to meet that person.

Emily Melious01:32

I live with that person!

Gladys Simen01:38

I live with that person, hundred percent. So well, thank you. So, so, so much for having me on your platform and helping me amplify that message of mine. That little purpose that I kind of stumbled across.

Emily Melious01:51

So Gladys, you also call yourself an advocate for the working mama. And I just love that. Uh, as a full-time working mom business owner, I get the push pull of really actually the constant guilt.

Um, and I'm not, I don't think I'm a hard on myself kind of person. I'm just being honest here that when I'm working, I feel guilty that I'm not playing with my kids or doing more mom stuff. When I'm with my kids and doing mom stuff, then I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing things for work and, you know, serving my clients.

So it is of constant affliction, a lot of times for all moms, but also working moms. Because we've got so many stakeholders, right? We're working so hard to serve so many people. Um, and

Why Moms deprioritize themselves (2:39)
Emily Melious02:39

on that note, actually, I want to talk about how, and why really... its so easy for moms, in that mix of things to neglect altogether, or at a minimum deprioritize our relationships with ourselfs.

Gladys Simen02:56

All you need, you hit the nail on the head, so to speak. So advocate, you know, be kind to yourself, perfection is not the goal here.

Your children don't want the perfect mom. They want someone that loved them unconditionally and deeply, right? That's all they want. That's not perfection. And we have to also let go of standards that sometime we put so high with our ownself. We are all our own harsh critic. And by saying that. I mean, typically thinking about the example that you gave, where I'm with my kid and I'm thinking about work and I'm at work, and I'm thinking about my kid.

It's important to know that you, the common element between those two worlds, the work and the life. And if I go back to my own example of the pandemic, had to throw me in the spotlight where I had to change from mommy to employee sometime in the split of a second, where, before it was all organized, Gladys the worker, Gladys the parent.

Whenever meeting each other. Right.

So you have to understand that at some point you cannot separate that too much. You are the only person. And then what I try to do, and I advise my coaching mob is to be cognition to say, it doesn't have to be quantity, has to be quality time. So even if you spend 20 minutes working on a project at work, those are the 20 minutes that you let go of the you let remorse. And it's 20 minutes in the 24 hours day, 20 minutes. You can spare that and focus on that task. And then you have the other 10 minute or 30 minute with your kid, and this is completely that unconditional time that you have with them.

Emily Melious04:49

I've heard it explained is work-life integration because this idea of balance makes us think that there's some, like mathematical formula. Yeah. We're both kind of weighing our hands. Like there's scale.

And if I just perfect, if I had a little bit over here and then outwait with a little bit over here and it's, almost like extra guilt to equalize somehow, or even it out. Or 20 minutes of work, then 20 minutes of play.

And if that's you and listening and you're like, yes, I felt that like balance means I have to keep score and both sides have to, even out. Don´t worry about that. That's not what it's about. It's more about that, I know if the right word, but I don't have a better one right now. So I'll use it that seamless integration, on all parts of our lives and yes, you're so right where the thing at the center of all of those things, we are the common point.

We are the spoke that core. So, yeah, so awesome. And I also love how you talk about being the imperfect mom. Way back there's many episodes ago, a wonderful, very accomplished Pittsburgh business woman, cause i´m in Pittsburgh, Beth Caldwell. For any of you that miss that episode, you might have to go back a couple of pages on the episode link on the website, but go back and listen to it.

She's a hoot. Totally hilarious. And we both, had a good laugh about how, you know when in the snacks for the kids at school, right. There's those moms and power to them. Like if you're that mom, like, I am amazed by you constantly. You're the Pinterest mom, you know what you see on Pinterest?

You can actually replicate perfectly. But she and I were laughing that we have screwed that stuff up so bad and you know what, we're laughing at it. So giving yourself grace, knowing our own limitations. And other thing I just wanted to mention about, the whole putting ourselves first because it feels super selfish.

Right. You know,but if i´m first, i´m denying someone else. But

If Mama Ain't Healthy, Nobody's Healthy (6:51)
Emily Melious06:51

we all know the saying, if mama ain't happy, nobody is happy, but I would give a different iteration of that, which is if mama ain't healthy, nobody's healthy. Yeah. Can you kind of like speak to that a little bit?

Gladys Simen07:04

Oh, I definitely can. Because I was going to say that even with my own self or with my coaching moms, this one thing that I see very clear a pattern, we have been conditioned whether by society or whatever we see on TV or whatever... to put everybody's need first. I don't know if it's a woman thing. I don't know if it's a mom thing, but it's just very apparent to me that we very comfortable, we became very comfortable in coming last.

So the way I see it is, I compare us women and us mom, to a very expensive smartphone, right. Just imagine, but money is no object. Any budget that you have, you go and buy the most expensive smartphone. So he can, like us, run multiple application at the same time, as a mom, you have all those things going on and do you perfect harmony in everything that you are the center of. But that very expensive smartphone, if the battery level comes and say less than 20%, what do we do? We just go for a charger. We are that expensive smartphone. So when you get that battery level, 20%, 10%. You have the signal, but you conditioned to keep going.

Why do you wait? You wouldn't wait for your mobile phone to be completely blank, because it is still expensive, but it's not an expensive as paperweight. Good. But you will not be useful to any world you are part of.

Emily Melious08:49

And it's so obvious when you make it a smart analogy, but yet when we think of ourselves, humans. There's a disconnect there , but yet, we just have that mental block and something that I share with my coaching clients all the time, is the fact, the reality that our striving energy is finite.

So much like the battery on the cell phones are mental batteries. There is only so much fuel in the tank, and no amount of wanting to do more. Prepping to do more, actually allows us to do more. It is just a human limitation, much like our physical energy. So, for all of you out there that are marathon runners power to you, that I feel like I wasn't gifted with a lot of athleticism in my genetic pool.

Or maybe that's just a good excuse for not for not doing jogging as an exercise, but for those people who are amazing marathon runners, obviously there's skill. Obviously they're dedicated, clearly they've trained, but if we envision the scene at the end of a marathon and the finish line , people are not crossing the finish line and saying, okay, I'm ready for the next where's the next start line.

They are falling over the finish line. They are barely making it. They're sitting on the curb, they're resting, they go home and rest. Because their physical energy is spent, and we get that. Our bodies aren't going to do any more for us in that point. And while it's obvious with the smartphone, well, it might be obvious with our physical energy, after you know, physically taxing event. still feel like there's this sense, particularly amongst high achievers. Which I would certainly, put myself in that high achiever type AAA category, Gladys is raising her hand too, you know, you know, you know who you are, I think there's this, um lie we tell ourselves we're the Energizer bunnies, right?

Like I can keep going. I can keep going. I've got this. I can keep going. And no, no. And it's not a sign of weakness, say... I don't got this. It's actually the strength. It's the wisdom. It's the foresight to say, I´m on 10% battery, and before I go dead and I'm not good to anybody, I only mean 10 minutes.

I only mean 20 minutes or maybe longer. But, like I think the irony there is, the maintenance is so much easier than the burnout and dealing with that. That's a much bigger, fall out.

Gladys Simen11:20

Taking time to recharge your battery will require consistency because at the beginning, Bizarre. Like if I decide to go and run a marathon today with that wind, without any training whatsoever, it's not going to be fun. But if I go every day for 10 minutes running, and then next week I increased my five extra minute, then I start building up some resilience, some muscles.

So taking time for yourself as a mother, as a woman, it's gonna sound completely crazy or selfish or insead, whatever word that comes to mind. When you say I'm gonna take some time off. And taking some time off I usually do that excel my coaching moms. It is 10 minutes, 20 minutes, one hour, whatever thing. But you have to be fanatical about having it daily and it has to be something that has nothing to do with someone else. So AKA, don't go and iron clothes and said that one hour for me, don't go prep meal for the week because that's the one hour. If you do love cooking, go and cook, but cook something for you. Bake a cake that you love, anything.

But it doesn't have to be something extraordinary. Although we are all extraordinary people, but it could be as simple as just doing something dedicated to yourself. And the purpose of it is to replenish with that good energy a little bit more. Because every role that you take in that one, I'm going from the mom to the sister, to the friend, to the employee, to the spouse. I'm spreading a little bit of goodness every time, but they're not need to be chapter, to be able to spread even more goodness, the following day. So I typically say I have 10 minutes during the day, and then I have one hour after dinner and everything, where it's a one hour dedicated to myself. Was it easy? No. But superpower delegation one of the things I find so hard to do at the beginning was to ask for help, and help. And when I say accept help, it doesn't mean that people will not help it. We had that tendency to say help us to be exactly the way I help has to So I remember one prior to the pandemic, I travel for work.

And my husband sent a picture of our daughter going to bed and she had that tutu and those parco, she decided to go to bed with her tutu dress. And I was hyperventilating because she was not in pajamas, but the world didn't end. And this is what you think, you know what, help doesn't have to be exactly what I wanted to be or what I envisioning. But if it takes, you know, that the world would carry on, and you can recharge your battery, then accept that.

How to take time for yourself (14:30)
Emily Melious14:31

So let's be real. Okay. Because I, so my kids are getting older, so I've got eight and six year old now, although this still is true, I can tell them, Hey, I'm taking an hour mommy time, but then we all have had it happen. Right? I mean, even in the bathroom, the hand comes under the door, you get the knock knock, knock, like, momma i need you. How do you get your family to respect that time and not have the knock on the door? So many times I've tried to nap. You have those interruptions. And so it's, not only us claiming that time, which is huge, a big part of it, but it's our family respecting that time. How did you make that part happen?

Gladys Simen15:15

Okay. Every family is different. The dynamics of every family is different. So, I'm lucky enough to have , a husband and at the beginning it was not easy either because you breaking out and habit, it's not easy. So, for me, for example, what I said is explained to everybody at the beginning, I need some time to just reset a little bit because I'm tired and my kids are the same age, like Isaiah also,he it started by using like child friendly language. Mom needs to go and rest a little bit. I need to take a nap. And of course they will come in, but he's been very firm saying very little sentence. Mom is napping. I will come back into you in an hour. And then they, you know, making less excited to come to me.

I become very boring when I'm in my recharge mode. Right. I'm not saying anything, I'm talking to you and then you say I need to recharge. So that's what worked for me with directing, repush. And then my husband stopped picking up and stop pulling them. So they understand that there's a time where mom's going to be unavailable, what, unless everything's burning, uh, for sure. I had another client of mine that said that when she takes those time off, she's physically (on) leave.

She goes for a walk or she goes and sit in a garden somewhere, but she is physically unavailable. So in my work for some people some people would just go to a different place in the room and put a lock. So the door is locked. So this there's no way, even no amount of knocking and earth in bed, you cannot get it all the ways around it, of course. And I'm saying everybody has their own dynamic in their family. But I think we should give credit to our children a little bit more than we, we tend to. Telling them, my kid loved to, to help and sometimes just explaining, mom's gonna take a little nap, I'm a bit tired. And put them in charge to say you know, with me up in an hour son, and they're very, very conscious of the tasks they are playing into this, right?

Emily Melious17:31

I love that, enlisting them in helping rather than sort of pitting yourselves on either side of trying to do this, you need to do something else or you need to respect it. It's more like, how can you help me recharge? What's your role to play in this really important effort? Ah, I love that. I haven't thought of it that way before. That's good.

Gladys Simen17:51

And then also you can make it a game. Like, my daughter would just put blanket on me. I don't sleep for, but it's for her, understanding that this nap time, she opened the blanket, she will give me a little story and she will offer, she will go. And I'm thinking, she's gone, I take the blanket off. It's almost like a ritual that you set to say, now this is the time and the same way with them when they were still taking the nap. It was also old say. Okay, time for nap. And they kind to that, to recharge, before we go for enough. So I'm just saying it's the same thing mom needs to do. Different ways, do things depending on your family dynamic.

If you have to remove yourself physically and then take it as an excuse to do a Zumba class or a walk or meet with a girlfriend, but as long as it's anything that really jazzes you, replenish you and has nothing to do with anything else. No, no tidy you house. No new clothes. No don't prep meal, but almost ask yourself, what do I want to do today? Like if no question will ask will replenish me? um, Is it meeting my old girlfriend for a coffee, is it? I want to, um I treat myself to a meal in a restaurant by myself. It was odd. Cause people think, oh, you expecting someone? Nope. I just want to have a meal for myself, a fancy meal.

Emily Melious19:32

That's a great example too. The meal by yourself, the walking in the garden, doing some exercise. But my favorite part about all of that is that litmus test of. It has to be about you and not for the benefit of anyone else in that moment. Really great filter and good gut check on that too, because I, agree with you. I think a lot of times we're doing things that we call recharge time, but it's, really just doing things for other serving others, but alone.

Gladys Simen20:01

I love the serving your, that time for yourself is your act of service to you.

Emily Melious20:08

Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. Well Gladys, this has just been such a, I feel like, filling my cup kind of conversation. I'm sure everyone listening feels a bit more encouraged. Probably had a little takeaway that they can implement today. Which is awesome. I want to let everyone who's listening know that Gladys offered a free success journal, and we're going to make that available to everyone who is signed up for our episode insiders.

You hear me talk about that all the time. But in case you don't know what it is yet or you're, not yet in on it. It's just our email. We send it out when new episode drop. We're just telling you more about the amazing guests that we have. We pack in free stuff or special stuff. So go to the website, MothersOfMisfits.com.

You just scroll down, put in your email address, seriously, 30 seconds or less, you're in on this stuff. Cause we want to make it extra special for that community and the folks who sign up. So, if you want journal, just keep an eye out for your inbox for that to come through. But thanks again, Gladys for coming on, this has been really fun. Really uplifting. And I just appreciate you and the work that you're doing for moms.

Gladys Simen21:18

Thank you so much. And to get a, you're doing a fantastic thing.

Mothers of Misfits21:22

Thanks for joining us for this episode of the Mothers of Misfits podcast. Make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. We also invite you to visit us at MothersOfMisfits.com.